Anna Freud: Altruism as a Defense

Altruism is an important value across different cultures and religions. It’s socially desirable to be selfless. It’s seen as noble to show support, concern, and generosity toward others – without expecting a personal benefit.

But how altruistic is altruism? And can it be selfish?

Anna Freud (yes, the daughter of Sigmund Freud) explored how altruism can be used for the “selfish” purposes of fending off anxiety and fulfilling one’s own “forbidden” wishes. She called it Altruism as a Defense.

If you ask: How exactly does altruism help with anxiety and what about those “forbidden” wishes? I’ll walk you through Anna Freud’s idea in detail, so that you can walk away with a clear idea of how altruism as a defense works, why people use this defense, and its consequences.

Before we dive into Altruism as a Defense, a few words about Anna Freud.

Anna Freud

Imagine growing up in the shadow of t he man who invented psychoanalysis… and then becoming an influential psychoanalyst in your own right. That’s exactly what Anna Freud did. She was Sigmund Freud’s youngest daughter and their relationship was special. She was analyzed by her father (something that would be unthinkable today) and in her own work she focused on the psychoanalysis of children and the study of defense mechanisms.

One of her key books that lays out some of her core ideas is The Ego and the Mechanisms of Defense from 1936. In it, she describes some of the ways the ego protects itself from internal and external threats with defense mechanisms. And one special chapter in this book is all about “Altruism as a Defense”.

Defense Mechanisms

First of all, we use defense mechanisms unconsciously to reduce anxiety (or other unpleasurable experiences), which is a very important function.

If we didn’t have defense mechanisms we would probably all be thinking of our most embarrassing and scary memories 24/7, that would be terrible. So it’s good that they exist.

But also, there is a cost to consider: Leon Wurmser a Swiss psychoanalyst described defense mechanisms as “different ways of saying no to the truth”.

In order to not feel anxious, guilty, helpless, etc. we distort reality – and that can make our lives and personalities more rigid and inhibited than is helpful. You will see exactly what that means with Altruism as a defense and I’ll talk through more examples of it in the end as well.

Altruism (as a Defense)

First of all, altruism can be a beautiful way to strengthen relationships:

• Imagine the teacher who takes great joy and pride in seeing her student succeed
• The parent who cheers on his child as it takes its first steps after many sleepless nights
• Or a wealthy business woman who choses to support a local school to give children better opportunities

So the concept of altruism as a defense is not an invitation to tell everyone who shows altruistic behavior that deep down they’re just selfish and deceitful. Please don’t abuse psychodynamic concepts that way.

But of course, at the same time, it can be tempting especially in psychotherapy to praise anything that seems socially desirable (like being altruistic), accept it at face value, and not look at how potentially unhelpful and inhibiting it might be for a patient.

Because altruism can also be controlling (”I graciously give you my precious pearl earrings – and now this better be exactly what you wear for you wedding”), it can be a breading ground for resentment (”Why am I not getting back what I give?”), and it can lead to an impoverished life and personality if it’s always about the other people.

Why Do People Use Altruism as a Defense?

We all like to feel good. And we usually feel good when we can fulfil our own wishes and needs. That might be something small like wearing beautiful jewellery for our wedding, or something bigger like being in a satisfying relationship, or actualizing our own potential in a career.

When growing up, a child might learn that it’s dangerous to be “selfish”. Focusing on getting what one wants is punished and one’s own wishes are seldomly fulfilled by the parent.

What happens with those wishes?

If psychoanalysis teaches us one thing it is that wishes never die. They just move underground and find other ways of expression. One of them might be through altruism.

You can imagine many different scenarios where the outcome might be repressed wishes that find expression in altruism: for example having a disabled sibling who needs and gets most of the attention, or having a sibling who is preferred as more attractive or talented, or only being able to make contact with a parent through taking care of them — none of this needs to lead to this outcome and it requires a certain temperament and circumstances for someone to chose altruism as a defense against his sort of frustration — this is just to give you some ideas.

How It Works

The two mechanisms behind altruism as a defense that make it work are projection and identification.

Projection says: “No, no, I don’t have that wish – you have that wish!”

This the distortion of reality. The wish is projected because having wishes for oneself feels dangerous. This is the part of the mechanism that reduces anxiety because then the person doesn’t need to fear being punished for having selfish wishes – because now it’s the other person who (presumably) has all those wishes.

And then a lot of work is being put into fulfilling the wishes of the other person through altruistic behavior like making gifts, supporting achievement of goals, making dreams come true.

The next step is identification.

Identification says: “Through identifying with you, I will be able to indirectly enjoy this wish too.”

This is the part of wish fulfilment. Remember, in this case, wishes don’t die, they just seek different forms of expression. Altruism as a defense can be an indirect way to fulfilling one’s own wishes because the direct way was blocked.

You can see how this turns passivity into activity (just like with identification with the aggressor, another defense Anna Freud described in her book)): It turns not being granted one’s own wishes (by the parent) into → making other people’s wishes come true and enjoying them there.

More often than not, the person that is selected to receive all the altruistic gestures is based on the person that aroused envy or jealousy in the first place.

Consequences

You can see how both with projection and this sort of identification the individual moves far away from herself. She abdicates her wishes and puts most of her time and effort into other people because the only way she can enjoy herself is through other people.

Anna Freud saw that people who use altruism as a defense tend to be much more worried about the life of others than of their own. Meaning they are not too scared of their own death but absolutely frightened of losing other people through separation or death because of how vital they are to live out and fulfil their own wishes. Their own life and personality has become so impoverished because of all the outsourcing of wishes, drive satisfaction, and libido that it doesn’t mean much to them anymore. And therefore, in treatment it can be considered an achievement to be scared of death because it means that they are reconnecting to their own wishes for experiences to have before they die.

(Superficial) Examples

If have already mentioned some examples here and there but let’s look at three more to understand different expressions or aspects of altruism as a defense. These are partly from Anna Freud’s book and partly fictional for illustration.

Number 1: The classic example is that of a middle-aged woman, who is single, might work in a helping profession as a nurse or in a kindergarten, not putting a lot of work into her appearance, rather bland clothes, no make-up. She grew up with an older sister that was praised as beautiful and smart by the parents, who granted her her every wish. And in her adult life this patient is still greatly invested in the sister’s life, she helped her find the perfect dress for the first date with her now husband, took great pains in organising her wedding, she watches her children whenever the sisters needs her to. And she might come for treatment either because the sister is moving away, or she finally told her something to the effect of “get your own life”, or she might develop anxiety attacks at work in the kindergarten where it turns out that this is connected to a father who picks up his child and signals interest or whom she finds attractive. This is an example that shows the projection onto and identification with the sister, the impoverishment of her own life and personality, as well as the anxiety that is connected to traces of her own wishes that become activated.

Number 2: The second variation is that of the parent who needs their child to live out the dreams that they couldn’t fulfil for themselves. For example, the parent who came from nothing, sacrificed a great deal to send their child to university, and then needs their child to become a doctor, engineer, lawyer – or at least marry one. Carl Jung said: “Nothing has a stronger influence psychologically on their environment and especially on their children than the unlived life of the parent.” You can see how this is breading ground for control, disappointment, resentment, and guilt feelings, if the child doesn’t adhere to the wishes of the parent. It ends up being a very complex situation where gratefulness for the sacrifice of the parent exist next to the wish to live one’s own life — a conflict that can be very tough to navigate.

Number 3: The third variation shows that altruism can also be a reaction formation, meaning turning something into its opposite. “All I want is to steal your husband for myself but instead I’ll become your maid of honour and plan your glorious wedding.” You can imagine that the woman in our first example might have felt a lot of jealousy toward her sister, already as a little girl and still now as an adult because the sister has everything she ever wanted. And how feelings of jealousy and revenge create a lot of anxiety. Also the fantasy of engaging with the father from kindergarten might be understood not just as wish-fulfilment but maybe also an act of (indirect) revenge against women who have husbands – first and foremost, the sister. Those impulses of jealousy and even wanting to spoil the happiness of the other, immediately need to be pushed out of consciousness because the fear of punishment is too great. And in this case are turned into its opposite from jealousy to altruism.

What I took away from the idea of altruism as a defense is a reminder that:

(1) Defenses don’t have to be good or bad, there is nuance and we need to pay attention to why and how they are used.

(2) It was a good reminder to not fall into the trap that if a defense mechanism is socially desirable (such as being pleasing, giving, idealizing others) to overlook how it can inhibit and be too costly for a patient.